Postpartum Rage: Understanding Mum Rage and Finding Calm After Birth

Three days postpartum, I felt this sudden urge to cry, yell, and lose my composure in every sense of the word. Why? At the time, I didn’t know it was this thing called “mum rage”. Just a build-up of guilt and anger that bubbled under the surface each time these heightened emotions started to flare up.

And then the comments start, “She’s just tired” or “You’re being over-emotional.”. Yes, correct on both accounts, but neither comment was helpful or validated my feelings.

Postpartum rage is a common feeling women experience after childbirth, yet it’s not often shared or spoken about. It’s crucial for mothers to feel supported postpartum so they feel comfortable speaking out about how they’re doing and learn how to manage a total mixed bag of emotions. Let’s shed some light on this thing called “mum rage”.

What Is Postpartum Rage?

Postpartum rage can be sudden, and emotions such as anger, irritability, and sadness can come out of nowhere. Although these behaviours can be a sign of feeling low, it is different to regular stress and baby blues.

Mum rage can often be linked to postpartum depression, rage and postnatal anxiety. There is such a huge shift in a woman’s hormones before and after birth it can take time to adjust. 

To quote the Cleveland Clinic, as they put it so well, “The important thing to know is that you can experience rage without feeling depressed. And having postpartum depression doesn’t mean you’ll also develop feelings of rage”.

Postnatal depression and anger differ ever so slightly. Postnatal depression typically presents as feelings of sadness, isolation, and guilt, whereas mum rage is when you feel sudden anger that you cannot control.

Why Don’t We Talk About Mum Rage?

Mum rage often doesn’t get talked about because no one wants to admit they’re feeling this way. There’s this societal judgment that if you feel angry towards your newborn or snap at your loved ones, then you’re the one to blame. You’re made to feel like you’re to blame because mothers are supposed to be nurturing, calm, and loving.

When the cultural expectation shifts on how mothers are viewed and the stigma around “perfect motherhood” is lifted, mums will finally feel safe to talk openly about how they feel and what they need to feel supported.

Mum Chelsea writes about her experience with mum rage and the self-awareness she learnt to overcome it. But Chelsea isn’t the only one, there are so many other mums out there who feel alone with postpartum rage. If this resonates with you, please reach out to your healthcare provider for support and guidance.

Causes of Postpartum Rage

Seeing piles of dirty laundry and instantly feeling irritated is not the cause of postpartum rage; it’s a trigger. When you break it down, postpartum rage stems from the huge changes a woman’s body has been through since conception.

• Hormonal changes during pregnancy that suddenly shift again after birth (e.g. progesterone drops)

• Having trouble sleeping postpartum due to feeding or settling your newborn

• Physically recovering from pregnancy and labour

• Recognising your identity shifting when you become a parent

• Relationships are strained as you navigate lots of new, uncharted territory together

• Physical demand on your body to breastfeed and hold your baby whilst healing

• Unmet expectations leave you feeling unsupported

What is the 5-5-5 Postpartum Rule?

This method lays out the foundations for mums to recover from labour with her baby. In an ideal world, all mums would be able to have a minimum of 15 days of bed rest following childbirth. But would that help every mother with her recovery?

Essentially, the 5-5-5 postpartum rule means:

• 5 days in bed

• 5 days on bed

• 5 days around the bed

In some cultures, this rule is used to protect a mother’s well-being so she can prioritise healing and spending time with her baby without needing to feel like there are other things to be done. Housework, caring for older siblings, school runs, and grocery shopping are all handled by other caregivers to allow Mum this protected time.

On the other hand, to achieve this in our modern world is easier said than done! In most countries, fathers get very little paternity leave (2 weeks) or none at all, and then they rely on the help of others, such as grandparents or friends who equally have their own commitments.

From a health perspective, too, staying in bed for the first 5 days will limit mobility when this is encouraged for a mother’s recovery to prevent blood clots. Postpartum support bands can stabilise your core muscles to improve mobility regardless of how you delivered - they are safe to use following a c-section. Staying in bed could also be quite isolating for some mums, which would be detrimental to their mental health, triggering postpartum depression and rage.

How Long Does Postpartum Rage Last?

Postpartum rage is more common in the fourth trimester however, it can last for as little as a few weeks or up to a year after childbirth. There is no set timeline for when postpartum rage starts and finishes.

Other factors can trigger postpartum rage symptoms, such as:

• Underlying mental health conditions

• A lack of a support system

• Sleep deprivation

• Hormone imbalance

At COPE, they shared this quote: “While it’s unclear just how many mothers and fathers experience postpartum rage due to the fact that it’s often not reported or measured during screening, recent research of new mothers has shown that anger can occur at the same time as postnatal depression.”

If you seek help early on, there is a better chance of experiencing postpartum rage for a shorter amount of time. Prevention and early intervention are the best methods for treating mum rage and low mood.

Coping Strategies and When to Get Help

Think back to a time when you felt angry or upset. What did you do, and who did you reach out to? Often it’s those close to us who get the brunt of postpartum rage and sense when we’re feeling low. Reach out to friends, therapists, and postpartum specialists for support if you start to notice signs of postpartum rage.

CBT Strategies for Postpartum Rage

A common form of treatment for postpartum rage and other postpartum mood disorders is cognitive-behavioural strategies. These strategies get you to focus on the thought, give it space, acknowledge it, and let it go. You can achieve this through breathwork, journaling, and talking openly about instances that made you feel mum rage to identify triggers.

Physical Recovery and Self-Care

Self-care is more than just massages and mindfulness. It can also be about streamlining your routine with your baby to take out extra prep and stress, therefore allowing you more time to rest and heal.

Breastfeeding and expressing milk is a common trigger for mums in the early days, especially if they’re facing challenges with low milk supply, poor latch, and engorgement. To remove any layers of unnecessary stress, incorporate tools that can help to make things easier, like introducing an electric breast pump. 

Breast pumps like the Lola & Lykke Smart Electric Breast Pump can help new parents overcome feeding challenges such as:

• Low milk supply

• Expressing milk to feed from a baby bottle if they’re struggling to latch

• Feeding your baby when they are born prematurely

• Flexibility for different caregivers to feed the baby so mum can rest

• Relieving engorgement, especially in the early days when a mother’s milk comes in

Streamlining just one part of your routine can help reduce frustration and help you regain a sense of calm. Identify what your triggers are and start there. Ask yourself, “Is there a different way to do this?”, “Is there a better way?”, “What postpartum essentials do I need to feel comfortable and supported?”.

Read more: From Help to Hugs: The Most Appreciated Gifts for Mums

Can you take medication for postpartum rage?

Medication can be prescribed by your doctor if postpartum rage is part of a broader postpartum depression condition. Postpartum rage can be a sign of underlying postnatal depression, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you need medication to treat this.

They say that sleep is the best medicine, and certainly, when you have young children and/or a newborn in tow, good quality sleep can be hard to come by. Sleep can have a huge impact on mood regulation, so if you’re having trouble sleeping postpartum, ask for support so you can prioritise rest.

You’re Not a Bad Mum

Despite experiencing mum rage, these feelings do not define you. A mother can feel all her emotions without needing to justify why. Anger is sometimes the body’s way of saying, “Hey, I really need some help.” And asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

We talk about community and building a support network because it does take more than one person to raise a child. Reaching out for advice to understand yourself better and learn how you can overcome personal challenges is not only essential for self-preservation, but also to set an example to others that prioritising yourself is important too.

“How could I yell at people I love? What kind of mother yells at a child? A little child? What will they remember of me when they grow up? Why am I still so angry? But then I went to a therapist … and I told her how horrible I was … how angry I was … and she told me, ‘You’re not angry. You’re scared.” ~ COPE Ambassador, Laura Mazza

Conclusion

Postpartum rage is more common than people realise. Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 women, which goes some way to show just how many people could be affected by mum rage.

We encourage you to talk openly and be proactive in seeking help. The Postpartum Support International (PSI) is a great resource to access support groups. Further resources and local helplines can be shared by your doctor.

Your mental health is a complex balance which requires constant attention to maintain. Having a greater awareness of what can affect your mental health brings you one step closer to understanding yourself and being a happier mum.