Lola&Lykke × Paternal
At Lola&Lykke, we believe supporting mothers means supporting the people around them, too. Pregnancy, birth and early parenthood are enormous transitions, and dads and partners can play a powerful role in making that journey feel less overwhelming and less lonely.
That’s why we’ve partnered with Paternal, the pregnancy and early parenthood app built specifically for dads and birth partners. Paternal gives partners practical, straightforward guidance to help them understand what mum is going through, know what they can do to support her, and feel confident in their own role as a parent.
Together, we’ve created this five-part series to bring both perspectives into the conversation — because when dads feel informed, included and empowered to step in, mums are better supported too.
Latching difficulties, pumping, bottles, combination feeding - and what partners can actually do to help.
The baby is hungry. It’s day four. Everyone is tired, and the feed that was meant to come naturally just isn’t happening.
For a partner, this can be a difficult place to be. You can see that she’s struggling, but latching is the one part you can’t do for her.
What you can do is understand the options, help her access support and take ownership of the practical load around feeding, without taking control of decisions that belong to her.
And there are more options than it feels like at 3am.
Paddy, who founded Paternal, became a dad in early October. Four days in, he described the family as “very much in the thick of it with the sleeps, feeds and nappies!”
Their son struggled to latch. Paddy’s wife began expressing her milk with an electric pump, and Paddy was able to feed their baby from a bottle.
“It’s been a really lovely way for me to be involved in feeding too.”
Their experience is a useful reminder: when breastfeeding doesn’t begin as expected, the options don’t suddenly disappear. The plan can change.
First: latching can take practice
Breastfeeding is something mum and baby are learning together, and it doesn’t always click immediately.
If latching is difficult or painful, encourage her to get help rather than feeling she has to work it out alone. A midwife, health visitor or local infant feeding team can watch a feed, help with positioning and attachment, and check whether anything else may be making feeding more difficult.
You can help by finding the right person, making the call or arranging the appointment.
The National Breastfeeding Helpline - 0300 100 0212 - is available 24 hours a day. Save the number before the baby arrives.
If breastfeeding isn’t working as planned, there are options
Sometimes breastfeeding support solves the problem. Sometimes feeding takes a different route for a while or permanently.
Expressing
She can express milk by hand or with a breast pump. This may help maintain or build milk supply when baby isn’t feeding effectively at the breast, and it also means expressed milk can be given by someone else.
If she wants to use a pump, this is an area where you can genuinely help: research the options, learn how the pump works, keep it charged and take responsibility for cleaning the parts.
Different pumps suit different circumstances. A wearable pump sits inside the bra and allows more freedom to move around while expressing. Lola&Lykke’s Bloome, for example, combines hands-free pumping with built-in warmth designed to support milk flow. You can find a useful comparison chart here outlining the main functionalities of different types of breast pumps (manual, electric and wearable)
Feeding expressed milk by bottle
If she wants you to, giving a bottle of expressed milk is one of the most direct ways to take part in feeding.
Hold the baby close and semi-upright and let them set the pace rather than encouraging them to finish a particular amount. Feeding is still a chance for closeness, eye contact and bonding, whoever is holding the bottle.
And taking a feed can give mum something equally valuable: a shower, a meal, a walk, or simply an uninterrupted stretch of sleep.
Combination feeding or formula
Breastfeeding and formula don’t have to be an either/or decision. Some families combination feed; others move completely to formula.
If she is considering introducing formula while also trying to establish breastfeeding or maintain her milk supply, encourage her to talk it through with her midwife, health visitor or feeding specialist.
Your role isn’t to push for one feeding method over another. It’s to understand what she wants and help make that choice workable.
What happened next for Paddy´s family
Lola&Lykke later sent the family a Bloome Wearable Breast Pump and Smart Electric Breast Pump to try.
A week in, Paddy says:
“The difference was genuinely noticeable for us. Charlotte found she was able to express significantly more milk using the Lola&Lykke pumps, which made a real difference to our feeding journey. The heated pads were a brilliant feature too – they made the whole experience much more comfortable and relaxed. Being able to move around the house while pumping, rather than feeling tied to one spot, made it far less like a chore and much easier to fit into everyday life. As a family, it made a really positive difference.”
One thing that matters with pumping: fit
A breast pump shouldn’t simply be turned up as high as possible and endured.
The fit of the breast shield or flange matters. Sizing is based on the nipple, not bra or breast size, and the nipple should be able to move comfortably within the tunnel of the shield.
Pumping should not be painful. If it hurts, causes damage or simply doesn’t seem to be working effectively, check the fit and settings first and ask a midwife or feeding specialist for help if needed.
The partner jobs that make a real difference
You can't breastfeed or pump for her. But you can take a surprising amount of the work surrounding feeding off her shoulders.
The key is not to wait until she is exhausted and then ask, “What can I do?”
Offer to own specific jobs and let her decide which ones she wants to hand over.
Washing and sterilising. Take responsibility for bottles, teats and pump parts. Feeding equipment should be washed carefully and sterilised according to UK guidance and the manufacturer’s instructions.
Milk management. Learn how expressed milk should be labelled, stored, frozen and defrosted so she doesn’t have to be the household milk-storage expert as well as the person producing it. Keep fresh expressed milk at the back of the fridge rather than in the door. UK guidance varies slightly; a conservative rule is to use refrigerated milk within 5 days at 4°C or colder, and within 3 days if you aren’t sure the fridge stays at that temperature. Frozen at −18°C or colder, it can be stored for up to 6 months. Never re-freeze milk once it has thawed. Label every container with the date.
Supplies. Make sure clean bottles are ready, milk storage bags are stocked and the pump is charged before they’re needed.
The feed station. Before she sits down to breastfeed or pump, make sure she has water, something to eat, her phone and whatever else she regularly needs within reach.
Night feeds. Even if she is breastfeeding and you can’t take over the feed itself, you can still bring the baby to her, change the nappy, settle the baby afterwards and deal with the equipment. If she is expressing and wants you to give a bottle, you may be able to take an entire feed.
The door. Manage visitors, calls and well-meaning advice. Ask what she wants, then hold that line for her.
Getting help. If feeding isn’t going well, find the number, make the call, book the appointment or go with her. Don’t leave her to research support at 3am while also trying to feed a hungry baby.
Back at work already? You can still own the washing, supplies, milk organisation and calls. Feeding support doesn’t have to happen only while the baby is actually feeding.
Help without taking over
There is one important distinction.
Being involved doesn’t mean becoming the project manager of her breastfeeding.
Ask before changing the plan. Don’t measure success by how many millilitres she pumped, tell her she “should” keep trying, or decide that switching to formula would solve everything.
And equally, don’t assume that because she wants to breastfeed, every feed and every job surrounding it belongs to her.
A useful question is simply:
“What would make this easier for you right now?”
Sometimes the answer will be holding the baby. Sometimes it will be washing pump parts. Sometimes it will be finding professional help.
And sometimes it will be making a cup of tea and leaving feeding completely alone.
Get help sooner if…
In the first few days, babies normally lose some of their birth weight before beginning to regain it.
From day five, at least six heavy wet nappies in 24 hours is one useful sign that feeding is going well.
If there are fewer wet nappies, your baby is increasingly sleepy or difficult to wake for feeds, feeding is consistently difficult, or either of you feels that something isn’t right, contact your midwife, health visitor or maternity team rather than waiting it out.
If you can’t reach them and need medical advice, call NHS 111.
Make a plan for two - even if the plan changes
If this is your first baby, it’s almost impossible to know in advance what feeding will actually look like. You don’t know whether breastfeeding will come easily, whether expressing will become part of the picture, how tired you’ll both be, or what kind of help will feel useful.
So you don’t need a detailed feeding plan before the baby arrives. What helps is having a few things agreed between you.
Know where you’ll go for help if feeding becomes difficult. Talk about how she would like you to support her rather than assuming. And agree that if the original plan stops working, changing it isn’t failure.
Once the baby is here, keep checking in. What she needs on day three may be completely different by week three. You might take responsibility for washing and sterilising, night-time nappy changes, keeping the pump charged or making sure there is always food and water beside her. If feeding becomes difficult, you can be the person who finds the number and makes the call.
Most importantly, remember that you’re on the same side. Your job isn’t to fix feeding or decide what should happen next. It’s to help create enough space, support and calm for the two of you to work it out together.
And when it’s 3am and Plan A has gone out of the window, that can matter more than having had the perfect plan in the first place.
Sources:
National Breastfeeding Helpline
https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/breastfeeding-information/continuing-the-breastfeeding-journey/expressing-and-storing-breastmilk/
https://www.nhs.uk/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/expressing-breast-milk/
