Having your partner by your side during labour is a great source of comfort and reassurance for most mothers.
At the same time, it is common for partners to feel insecure about their ability to support the partners during labour.
In this article, a Lola&Lykke expert shares eight practical tips on how your partner can help you feel safe and supported throughout labour.
To understand how a partner’s support can make a difference during labour, it can be helpful to first look at the relationship between emotions, the nervous system and the body’s hormones.
Oxytocin is a hormone that plays an important role during labour. It stimulates the uterus to contract and helps contractions become stronger and more regular as labour progresses. Oxytocin also has a calming and pain-relieving effect.
Oxytocin is released more easily when you feel safe, calm and relaxed. Closeness, touch and reassurance from your partner can help promote the release of oxytocin, which may support a calmer and smoother labour and help you manage the pain.
The autonomic nervous system plays an important role during labour and can affect how pain is experienced. It controls many of the body’s automatic functions and includes two main branches: the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
The sympathetic nervous system is activated when a person feels stressed or afraid. It prepares the body to react to danger through the “fight-or-flight” response. In contrast, the parasympathetic nervous system helps the body relax and recover.
During labour, stress and fear can make pain feel stronger, while feeling safe and calm can make the pain easier to manage. Therefore, a partner’s support can make a big difference by creating a safe and secure atmosphere and helping to reduce stress.
In this section, we’re speaking directly to you as the partner.
Here are eight practical tips to help you be there, create a sense of safety, and support the person giving birth throughout labour.
Your presence, both physically and mentally, is an important source of support throughout labour. Stay close, pay attention to what the person giving birth needs, and try to remain calm yourself.
Often, the most important thing is simply for her to feel that you are there, that she is not alone and that you are going through this together.
Gentle touch and massage can help the person giving birth feel relaxed and safe. It is also a way of signalling to the nervous system that you are close and present with her.
Try massaging her back, stroking her arms, or gently running your fingers through her hair - The slower, the better! Ask what feels good and let her show you what she needs in the moment.
Giving birth is incredibly intense and challenging. Calm, encouraging words such as “You’re doing great!”, “You’re amazing!” or “You’re incredible, my love” can provide both reassurance and the strength to keep going when labour gets tough.
Say what you think she needs to hear and remind her that you are there for her.
During labour, it can be difficult to remember what you practised during pregnancy, especially when things become intense. Remind her to release tension in her face, shoulders, and hands between contractions.
You can also help her find comfortable positions and create a calm atmosphere by staying calm and being present yourself.
When labour becomes intense, breathing can often become fast and shallow. As her partner, you can help her return to calm, steady breathing by reminding her to take long, slow breaths or by breathing calmly alongside her through the contraction.
When the contraction is over, remind her to let go, breathe out with a sigh and rest.
Firm pressure on the hips, knees, or lower back can often feel soothing during contractions. It may create more space in the pelvis and reduce the pressure from the baby as they move down.
Try different types of pressure and let her tell you what feels best. For some people, pressure may not provide much relief at the beginning of labour, but it can be worth trying again later as the baby moves further down into the pelvis.
Help create an environment in the room that encourages calm and relaxation. Dimmed lighting, quiet voices, calming music, and as few distractions as possible can help create a more peaceful atmosphere and support the body’s natural relaxation response.
If the person giving birth has prepared different things for labour, such as a playlist or string lights, take responsibility for preparing the environment as she has requested.
When contractions become intense, it can be difficult to keep track of everything yourself. As her partner, you can help remember her wishes, refer to her birth plan, and make sure she feels heard.
Be prepared to stand up for her needs and help her feel safe and respected. Knowing that someone is there who can speak up for her and advocate for her when she needs it can be an important source of support.
As a partner, it can be difficult to understand just how much of a difference you can make to the person giving birth.
Often, it is not about having all the answers, but about staying close, remaining calm, and being attentive to her needs.
Feel free to share this article with your partner and talk together about your expectations for labour. Planning together can help you both feel more prepared and confident for the birth.
Hanna Pauser
Cert. doula & Founder of Doulabyn
by Lola&Lykke Team
Please Note
The information shared in this article is intended for general educational purposes only and should not replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified healthcare professional. Every pregnancy, recovery, and feeding journey is different. If you have concerns about your health, your baby’s health, or any symptoms mentioned in our blogs, please speak with your doctor, midwife, or healthcare provider before making changes to your care routine.
